Weddings have a way of bringing your relationship with food and your body into the spotlight.
If you’ve ever spent the weeks leading up to a wedding trying to lose weight, skipped meals because you wanted to “save your calories,” or spent more time worrying about how your body looked than celebrating the people you love, you know exactly what I mean.
I know because that used to be me.
I recently went back to Penn State for a friend’s wedding, and I wasn’t expecting it to feel like such a time machine. Walking through my college town 15 years later and staying in my childhood home brought back so many memories, including memories of who I was during some of my most disordered years. As I watched everyone laughing, dancing, and celebrating, I couldn’t stop thinking about how differently weddings feel now compared to then.
Back then, the wedding wasn’t really the event. Dieting was.
Weeks before I’d already be planning how to eat less, exercise more, and somehow arrive looking “better” than I did the day before. I genuinely believed that if I could just shrink my body enough, I’d finally be able to relax and enjoy myself. Instead, I’d show up hungry, physically depleted, and mentally exhausted from trying to follow rules that were never sustainable in the first place.
Eventually I’d have a drink or two, my guard would come down, and suddenly every food I’d spent weeks avoiding felt impossible to resist. I’d convince myself I had “no self-control,” even though what was really happening was that my body was responding exactly how bodies respond to restriction. Then I’d wake up the next morning feeling guilty, promise myself I’d do better, and start the whole cycle over again.
Looking back now, it makes perfect sense. Restriction creates deprivation, and deprivation makes food feel urgent. The problem was never that I lacked willpower. The problem was that I was fighting my body instead of listening to it.
This wedding looked completely different.
Instead of asking myself how I could change my body before the wedding, I was asking a much better question: What do I need to do so I can have the best night possible?
That meant renting a dress that fit my body comfortably instead of trying to squeeze into one that didn’t. It meant wearing shorts underneath so I wouldn’t spend the evening thinking about chafing. It meant drinking plenty of water because I knew I’d probably enjoy a few cocktails with my girlfriends. It meant eating breakfast, lunch, and snacks before the ceremony because I wanted to feel energized, not starving, when dinner was served. None of those choices were about controlling myself around food later. They were simply ways of taking care of myself so I could actually enjoy the experience.
And because food wasn’t taking up all of my mental energy, I got to focus on what I was actually there for.
I spent hours on the dance floor with my college roommates. We screamed every lyric, laughed until our stomachs hurt, reminisced about our college days, and celebrated friends we love. When I think back on that weekend, those are the memories that come to mind. I don’t remember whether I ate the cake or how much pasta was on my plate. I remember the people.
To me, that’s one of the greatest gifts of healing your relationship with food. It isn’t that you suddenly love your body every minute of every day or that negative thoughts disappear forever. It’s that those thoughts stop being the loudest voice in the room. They stop stealing your attention from moments that deserve so much more than calorie counting or body checking.
I’ve noticed the same shift with vacations, concerts, beach days, birthday dinners, and date nights. There was a time when I could physically show up to those experiences while mentally obsessing over food and my body the entire time. I was there, but I wasn’t really present. Now my goal isn’t to have the “perfect” body for those moments. My goal is to actually experience them.
I want to jump in the ocean with my kids without worrying about what I look like in a bathing suit. I want to order dinner without mentally negotiating every bite. I want to stay on the dance floor instead of wondering whether my dress looks flattering from every angle. I want to leave with memories, not guilt.
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself in these stories, I hope this doesn’t leave you feeling ashamed. I hope it leaves you feeling hopeful. Because this isn’t about becoming someone who never has an insecure thought again. It’s about gradually turning down the volume on those thoughts so they stop dictating how much joy you get to experience.
Life’s biggest moments deserve more than food rules. They deserve your full attention.
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If you’re tired of special occasions being overshadowed by food rules or negative body image thoughts, we’d love to support you.
At Find Food Freedom®, our registered dietitians provide virtual, weight-inclusive nutrition counseling rooted in intuitive eating, body respect, and compassionate care. Many insurance plans cover nutrition counseling, and checking your benefits only takes a few minutes.
If your insurance doesn’t provide coverage, you’ve exhausted your benefits, or we aren’t licensed in your state or in-network with your plan, we also offer affordable cash-pay options so support is as accessible as possible.
Because the goal isn’t to have the perfect body for life’s biggest moments. It’s to be fully present for them.
