A BLOG POST WRITTEN FOR THOSE THAT ARE HAVING A BAD BODY IMAGE DAY & HOW TO NAVIGATE A CLOSET CLEANOUT
It just wasn’t worth the space anymore. It wasn’t worth my mental space. It wasn’t worth the physical space they were taking up in my dresser. I just threw them all away.
Not the clothes that I couldn’t fit into because I wasn’t “skinny enough”, the clothes that I remember buying when I was in the thick of battling my disordered eating thoughts. Those leggings I bought in that department store that were two sizes too big, but I thought they fit me just fine (because of how distorted my body image was at the time). The clothes that I used to hide in.
It’s time to create space for the conversation about the clothes we bought to cover up and hide what we were going through. It’s time to bring these struggles into the light, and then throw all those damn clothes away.
These clothes no longer serve you anymore. These clothes no longer serve me. They just remind me of how sick I was. How unhappy I was. How sad I was. How worthless I felt.
Do you have clothes in your closet that are still lingering from when you were in the thick of battling your eating disorder (ED)? What emotions does this bring up for you? I invite you to write down, ponder, and reflect on these questions. Get your journal out and let your thoughts flow. Sometimes we need to get out what we are thinking and feeling to be able to process them fully and go onto the next thing in our day. For me today, that next thing in my day was throwing away clothes that no longer served my body or mind.
To be completely transparent… the start of this blog post was filled by an afternoon anger spiral of how much I hate eating disorders(for reference this blog is being published in August, I wrote this back in May). I’m pretty sure I yelled eating disorders are a b*tch once or twice and wrote it on a sticky note and posted it above my desk. Reference the cover photo for the blog for the actual stick note on my wall. (:
Some days are just like that. Even when you are fully recovered. Your ED voice can still creep in. You are human. I am human. As a Registered Dietitian that helps people restore their relationship with food, I can still have bad body image days, and days where my ED voice creeps in. The difference now is that I know what to do in response to these thoughts.
So today l…. I threw them all out.
I recognized what was triggering me and did something about it. Throwing out all the clothes that reminded me of when I was hiding from my ED and the people around me. I will be the first to admit that it has taken me way too long to finally throw all these clothes away. But that’s what this thing called life is, the journey. It isn’t a linear one, it’s a freaking roller coaster.
I don’t know where you are at right now in life or with your relationship with food, but I am writing this blog to encourage you to know that you don’t have to have it all together. And I want to offer you some tools to help on days that you spiral like I did today.
- Movement that feels good to you. This could look like a walk, light stretching, biking, going for a run, yoga, or taking your favorite fitness class.
- Responding to the trigger. Throw the damn clothes out. Block that person you keep comparing yourself to. Call that friend that just gets it to vent.
- Feel the feels. You have permission to feel. Crying is a natural human response, that might be just what you need.
- Ask yourself what you need. Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Honor what your body is telling you.
- Block out the haters. I don’t know about you but sometimes I just need to block everything out. This might look like blasting Lizzo or your favorite Spotify playlist. Whatever you need to do, do it!
Wherever you are at today. Know that you are more than your body. Your weight is not your worth. You are doing the damn thing and you are doing it the best you can. Keep fighting, your story isn’t over yet. Freedom is a daily choice, keep going.
If the thought of throwing out clothes that no longer serve you stresses you out or seems impossible. Take a deep breath. It’s okay to have uncomfy feelings. As we tell so many of our clients, sometimes you have to“sit in the suck”. You have to go through emotions to let them pass. If you aren’t quite ready to part ways with these clothes, leave all judgment, guilt, and shame at the door. Another way to get these clothes out of sight and out of mind would be to put them in trash bags and hide them under your bed, closet, anywhere you can’t see them on a daily basis. You can also donate these clothes to your local thrift store or Goodwill!
Sending you love today! If you made it this far through this blog post, I would love to connect with you!
Feel free to leave a comment or reach me, Anna directly at info@findfoodfreedom.net.
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One Response
Oh my gosh! This is sooo what I need! I stumbled along your podcast about NOOM. I aM 52 and have been on too many diets since I was 8 years old. Yes, through therapy and a loving husband, I have come a very long way. However, I still OBVIOUSLY have issues with food and my body image as I just joined NOOM again for the second time. I lost 20lbs. during first lock down with help of NOOM and HIT workouts. Of COURSE , life happened… healthy issues, daughter issues, menopause and off NOOM and up goes the weight- again! Sooo.. where do I start!? I see lots of interesting avenues.