There’s a strange cultural idea that postpartum is this short, defined period of time. You have a baby, recover for six weeks, go to your postpartum appointment, get “cleared” to exercise and have sex again, and then…what? You’re done being postpartum?
I remember sitting at my six-week appointment after my first baby and being told I was cleared for sexual activity and exercise while thinking, Are you fcking kidding me?*
I was still physically healing. I was dealing with postpartum anxiety, depression, and rage. I had an anal fissure that hadn’t even been properly diagnosed yet. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and still trying to understand who I was in this completely new version of my life.
Six weeks certainly did not feel like some magical finish line.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned after having two children is that, in many ways, once you’ve had a baby, you’re always postpartum. Your body has experienced pregnancy and childbirth. That becomes part of its story.
I don’t say that to scare anyone who is pregnant or hoping to become pregnant. I actually think we need to talk about this more because the expectation that our bodies and lives should quickly return to “normal” can make an already complicated season even harder.
I’ve now experienced postpartum twice, and my body image experience was different each time. I’m also a Registered Dietitian and Intuitive Eating Counselor who has spent years doing body image work professionally and personally.
And postpartum body image has still been really f*cking hard at times.
Your Postpartum Body Can Be Incredible and Feel Completely Unfamiliar
I think one of the most important things we can practice during postpartum is making room for the and.
You can look at your body and think, Holy sht, I grew and birthed a human. This body is incredible.*
And you can look in the mirror and barely recognize yourself.
You can feel incredibly grateful for your baby and miss parts of your old life. You can respect everything your body has done and feel uncomfortable living in it right now. You can love being a mom and have moments where you wonder what the f*ck just happened to your entire life.
Those feelings can exist together.
That was especially important for me after experiencing infertility. When they placed my first daughter on my chest, I sobbed. It had taken us years to get to that moment, and there was this overwhelming feeling of, We did it. There is finally a baby in my arms.
But then the postpartum weeks and months came with physical healing, anxiety, depression, rage, hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and an identity shift I don’t think anyone could have fully prepared me for.
And because I had wanted this so badly, another thought kept creeping in: I should be happy. I should be grateful. I prayed for this.
I was shoulding all over myself.
Pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, and motherhood can be beautiful and powerful and f*cking amazing while also being really, really difficult. Making room for both has become a huge part of how I think about postpartum body image too.
My body changed significantly after both of my pregnancies, but in very different ways. My first daughter was born vaginally after I pushed for three and a half hours. My second was born via C-section because of placenta previa, followed by a NICU stay. After my second pregnancy, I had a four-finger diastasis recti gap and did pelvic floor physical therapy to help with my abdominal separation and C-section scar tissue.
My abdomen looked different. It felt different. Even more than two years postpartum, there are parts of my body that I’m still learning how to dress and live comfortably in.
And that’s where the body image work I had done long before becoming a mom became incredibly important.
Not because it made me immune to negative body image. Clearly, it did not.
It gave me somewhere to turn when those thoughts showed up.
One of the most practical things I did was dress the body I actually had comfortably.
I cannot emphasize this enough.
Postpartum is not the time to keep trying on your pre-pregnancy jeans to see if they fit yet. Clothes are supposed to fit your body. Your body is not supposed to change itself to fit the clothes sitting in your closet.
After my C-section, I wanted clothing that made my abdomen feel physically supported. Not sucked in. Not smaller. Supported. High-waisted biker shorts and leggings felt good for me. I also lived in loose, stretchy sundresses because they accommodated my changing body, worked well for breastfeeding, and made me feel slightly more put together without being uncomfortable.
Your version of comfortable might be completely different.
You also don’t need to buy an entirely new wardrobe full of expensive postpartum clothes. A few things that fit your body comfortably today can remove the completely unnecessary experience of getting dressed every morning and immediately being reminded that your body has changed.
Bodies aren’t static. Pregnancy and postpartum just make that reality impossible to ignore.
The second thing I kept coming back to was that and statement.
When I looked in the mirror and thought, What the fck? Who is this? What is this body?*, I didn’t need to immediately replace that thought with, My body is beautiful and I love everything about it.
Sometimes that’s way too big of a leap.
Instead, it could sound like:
My body feels incredibly unfamiliar to me right now, and my body just did something enormous.
I’m uncomfortable in my body today, and I can still treat it with respect.
I’m struggling with how my body has changed, and I can give myself compassion while I move through that.
A huge part of postpartum body image work is building self-compassion and learning to talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend.
Imagine your best friend is newly postpartum. She’s exhausted, leaking milk, wearing a diaper, recovering from childbirth, and telling you she doesn’t recognize herself anymore.
You wouldn’t look at her and say, Yeah, you really need to do something about your body.
You’d probably remind her of everything her body has been through. You’d validate that feeling unfamiliar in her body is hard. You’d give her compassion.
We have to practice extending some of that same compassion toward ourselves.
Your Body Does Not Need to Become Your Postpartum Project
There was one other mantra that helped me tremendously during my second postpartum experience, and it could not have been simpler:
This is not permanent.
I want to be really clear about what I mean by that because I am not saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll eventually get your pre-baby body back.”
This has nothing to do with weight.
I mean that the exact season you’re experiencing right now is not permanent.
Your hormones will change. Your baby will change. Your sleep will change. Feeding may change. Your physical recovery will continue. Your routines will evolve. Your relationship with motherhood will evolve. And yes, your body will continue to change because bodies do that throughout our entire lives.
With my first baby, I didn’t have that perspective yet. I had never experienced the newborn stage. I didn’t have nieces or nephews or much exposure to newborns before suddenly bringing one home and realizing, Wait…they’re letting me take care of this thing?
Everything felt enormous.
And when life feels completely out of control, it’s really easy to turn toward something we’ve been taught we should be able to control: our bodies.
For anyone with a history of dieting or difficult body image, that pathway can feel very familiar. Life feels chaotic, your identity feels unfamiliar, your body feels unfamiliar, and suddenly your brain starts offering up the old solution: Maybe I should change my body.
By the time I had my second daughter, I had something I didn’t have the first time around: evidence that seasons change.
This is not permanent.
I could take things moment by moment instead of trying to figure out how to fix everything.
Because postpartum already asks so much of you.
You’re physically recovering while learning how to care for another human. You’re navigating sleep, feeding, hormones, relationships, work, childcare, identity, and approximately 700 other things nobody adequately prepared you for.
Your body does not also need to become a problem you have to solve.
Nourishing yourself matters. Wearing clothes that fit matters. Asking for help matters. Giving yourself compassion matters. And if thoughts about food, weight, or your changing body are taking up so much mental space that they’re making it harder to be present in your life, getting support matters too.
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Support for Postpartum Body Image and Your Relationship With Food
At Find Food Freedom®, our Registered Dietitians provide virtual, weight-inclusive nutrition counseling for people navigating pregnancy, postpartum, motherhood, body image, and their relationship with food.
If postpartum has brought up old food rules, negative body image thoughts, or the urge to regain a sense of control through dieting, our team can support you in staying nourished while building a more compassionate relationship with food and your body.
Checking your insurance benefits is a simple first step to see what nutrition counseling coverage may be available to you.
